I woke up this morning and was duly amused by thefourthpotato’s post on his latest mishap. Really needed the laughs.

Went to bed last night with these Moby lyrics running through my brain. I found out yesterday some disappointing news that further reminded me of the reality that I didn’t get what I wanted.

I’m a firm believer of crying, so I thought I would do that, but could only manage to squeeze out a tear. I think I’m still too angry, so expecting myself to invest in tears may be a bit premature.

But I was praying too, and I heard God telling me something that He’s been saying a lot to me lately (and that, by His gracious enabling, I’m miraculously picking up). He was saying something along the lines of:

“I made you and chose you. So remember you are Mine and precious. If you didn’t get what you wanted, even though you tried, it doesn’t mean you are any less of a person. If you need to, cry, but there are some other things at play that you cannot begin to comprehend, so leave it at that, and leave it to Me.”

I take great comfort in this. For some reason, many people, including myself, have a compulsive need to explain WHY things didn’t turn out the way they wanted or expected. I think it’s because we are still grasping at any shred of possibility to make things happen our way.

In general, I believe it’s good to try one’s best. However, when analyzing the situation leads to questioning the value of ourselves, then it’s time to stop. It’s a sign of the control-freak taking over. I find that when we don’t get what (or who) we want, we actually feel a lack of control (a most unpleasant, incredulous feeling), and we feel doubly so if we tried our best (which of course is from our always limited perspective). At that point, it seems the only way to regain that control is to explain things in terms of ourselves, at the expense of ourselves. It seems that is all we have left.

How stupid does this logic sound:

I tried, but I still didn’t get what I wanted. Therefore, I must suck.

Yuck!! But I know a lot of people who subscribe to this ridiculous belief and can hold onto it tenaciously, even for years. So sad, but human. Depending on what the disappointment is, I can still be prone to it, but my Maker helps me to better catch myself these days.

In case you’re wondering, working through such “stuff” is what undergirds all the underdog and limitation talk.

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