So what am I going to do for Lent this year?

Over the past few months, I have found myself embarrassingly addicted to checking the stats on this blog. The obsession stems from a need for an audience and a need for validation. For some reason, I derive a sense of value and worth as person by having at least what appears to be attention as far as the online medium goes. Also, I like the idea of possibly being entertaining, resourceful, informative, interesting, etc. to my readers.

When I first started this blog, my intention was simply to offer a means by which friends and family that I don’t see regularly can stay informed about my life if they so choose (because I can’t stand writing email). But with my crave for increased traffic, that objective has changed somewhat, whereby I feel compelled to write something just so I can garner more hits. How sad and contrived is that!

I confess that the good news of my inherent worth as God’s creation, of my being made in His image is not enough. I confess that God’s attention to and delight in me as His child is not enough.

Nick, my pastor, recommends that I give up blogging for an audience altogether for the entirety of Lent. This would mean radio silence until April 8! I don’t know that I want to do this, given my practical original objective. Nick suggests that my limited experience of God may be indicative of my own inability to be enough for myself. I suspect this might be true. I can be incredibly ungracious to myself.

So, an alternative activity would be to spend more time writing for me and me alone. I will trying this over the next few weeks (in some other private medium), and probably be posting less here. I will refrain from blogging here altogether only for the Holy Week, the last week of Lent. However, I AM committing to NOT checking for stats for the Lenten season (all 6 weeks or so), so that I can better stick to writing with my original intention.

Actually, it’s only too easy to stop checking for stats by simply stopping to write here cold turkey. That’s very clean cut to do, requiring very little work or resistance from me. What’s harder to do is to write anyway and deliberately not seek out or contrive some external measure of worth.

I don’t know what the next few weeks will bring, but remember me in your prayers. I expect to learn something about God and/or myself.

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